Friday, October 05, 2001
I always presumed I'm a very unique creature. That I would be the only one ruling the house and later the world. This assumption is incorrect and I discovered this in the bathroom last week. Mom was carrying me around when we arrived in the bathroom. (I like to be carried; just sitting on one's lap or laying on my back doesn't require a lot of effort of my beloved parents. When they carry me around I can see they truly love me. And I want them to proove their love for me very often.)
I suddenly saw a second mom appear. Ok, this is cool. I already get a lot of attention of mom, so two of them is a heap of attention; pretty much the dose I need. Therefor I was very enthusiastic towards mom n°2 (smiling, shouting, kicking, the usual stuff).
Then I noticed a little boy. Handsome, self confident, strong and smart looking. This could be a problem. He seems too good to be true. He looks at me as if I'm from a different planet, not understanding. I hate that guy already. I don't want this competition. There shall only be one! (pronounce with a voice of thunder and hold fist in the air).
Suddenly things change. He smiles at me. This is the cutest smile I ever saw in my entire life. I recognize this. This is me. How could this be possible? I'm me outside myself? What's inside myself then? Does he have his own life? Is his life better than the one I'm living? Should I be jealous? Why doesn't he say a word? Is he still there when I leave the bathroom (a bit like the big question: when you close the door of the refrigerator, does the light go out?)? If not, what's his place to stay? So many questions, so little brains. I need my comforter and a hug from mom n°1.
Wednesday, October 03, 2001
You probably heard the term inheritance. For all the guys too new on this world to know this, I'll explain. It means that parts of the design of mom and dad are also applied to you. That some features of them also exist in/on you. The problem is: this happens randomly. It's not all the good, handy and beautiful stuff you get; it's not like you are an enhanced human being or a parent upgrade.
In my specific example, I was lucky enough to inherit the best of mom: her beauty, her smile, her strong character, her charms... Unfortunately, I also got some pieces of dad. And not the best ones. Actually, there wasn't a lot of good stuff to choose from, so this is not a surprise. These are the rules of probability: take a box of white and black balls where the majority is black, grab one ball without looking and the result is most likely a black ball. Dad is entirely built of black balls.
What he offered me was his brutality and clumsiness: some people transform things to gold when they touch them, I'm more the type of person that crush them to little pieces. For example, when I touch a person's face, it's always the hard way: I put my fingers in noses, grab eyes, injure lips and torture cheeks. And laugh at the same time. Here's a picture of me having fun while trying to tear out dad's hair. It looks almost as I was dropped into a bird's nest.
One exception is dad's little beard: it pricks. I'm very gentle, soft and careful when I touch this, that way it tickles me and makes me smile.
Tuesday, October 02, 2001
New web host
You may or may not have noticed that the duvelke pages are spawned much faster than before. This is because I found myself a new web host. Many thanks to Jam: technically spoken a new world opens up. This is because Jam spends all his spare time on enhancing his webserver: he scores even more than dad on the Scale Of Nerd. More features/more interactivity will be introduced gradually.
Next big step will be running my own internet and beat Bill Gates (oops, now Bill will believe he invented the internet). In the mean time, it is possible for me to do some visitor tracking: yeah, Big Brother is watching, and although I cannot see who's actually visiting the site, I noticed strange things.
First of all, the visitors are not all Belgians. Some people browse the web the same way they drive a car: they get at a destination by accident. A lot of Dutch people as well, probably because they're looking for the site of the famous Belgian beer Duvel. Tired of drinking Heineken? There's also a daily visitor from Norway (next to a fjörd probably); I'm very curious what his/her story is. I always thought it was too cold overthere to surf.
Most visitors come during the (working) day and this makes perfectly sense: you little guys surf the web and learn from the master while mom and dad are out working for you, right? Also, monday is the day most babies come to visit the site. Very comprehensible once again, kiddies: you see your parents all weekend long, they make you nervous and there's nowhere to run. You can't even look at my site to learn how to handle the situation! Then finally, the weekend is over and the source of wisdom can be consulted once again.
Last conclusion up to now: some little errors raised with the site move: most importantly, the guestbook didn't always function as expected, hence millions of people were unable to express the love they feel for me. This urge to worship and nobody in the neighbourhood wonderful enough to express your feelings. Lucky enough, the guestbook is fixed now.
Monday, October 01, 2001
Swimming Sunday (part II)
In the process of exploring the surface, I experienced some human limitations. First of all, you should keep your head up while floating on your tummy. Secondly, you should not look to the side while they drag you from left to right and the teacher tells the parents they can try to immerse your shoulder and ear. In both cases, your mouth is beneath mini-sealevel. This is not a problem except when you have Harald Of Free Enterprises tendencies, meaning you open your mouth at the same time. The result is absence of fun, I swear.
There was some other thing. At a certain point, dad tried to get my attention by calling my name (of course, I kept him waiting for a long time) and when he finally got it, he counted to 3. At that time the */@$&!! teacher pulled some water over my head. Same story as last week. Makes me angry. Some minutes later, the counting started again (I was prepared now), but something else happened: dad immersed me! I was under the water surface for more than a second! Why did he do that? Everybody knows the point of swimming is trying to keep as close to the surface as possible! Humans cannot breathe under water! Even if they're called Feyo!
One day it's payback time, dad...
Swimming Sunday (part I)
Yesterday it was swimming lesson time once again. I figured I already knew all about it, since swimming is piece-of-cake: just splash as much water as possible on the person dragging you around in the water, that's it.
Mom put on my flashy swimming dipers, meant to blind the opponents. Meanwhile dad was gone for a couple of minutes. When he came back he wore a pair of swimming trunks. Now it all made sense: it was not me that needed more swimming lessons, it's for my dad. The poor guy hardly knows how to survive in the eartly atmosphere, so maybe by dropping him into the water, some instincts might start to function again.
Ok, the dragging around could start now. Seconds after dad came into the water with me, he almosted slipped on the swimming floor. I felt pretty embarrassed about this, especially because there were some girls there to impress. Lesson number one (to dad): 'Swimming pool floors are wet. This is because there's a lot of water in a swimming pool.' (Jesus, I hope I didn't inherit his intelligence genes).
The Webcam Massacre
This weekend, Nerdy couldn't control the bits-and-bytes in his veins once again, so he dragged me to his webcam to take some shots of his handsome son. I couldn't let this happen without fighting back.
Radar is scanning the area to find hostile camera.
Camera detected. Targeting towards enemy camera.
Getting closer to cam for destructive purposes
(dad helps because he wants some close ups)
Target eliminated. Feyo wins!