Friday, September 07, 2001
Yesterday I discovered anger is an energy. These are the steps you'll have to take to experience this:
Yesterday I learned never to trust anything and anybody. Also, I need my own webserver real soon. Or my own internet.
- Write a little text for your website. Start with this when you should be in bed already. Do not hesitate to use difficult english words that require many dictionary lookups. Think very carefully about the words you want to use.
- When you're finished (talking about 45 minutes later) read your text twice to make sure everything is just the way you want (although you're tired and want to go to bed). Let the smile of true satisfaction come over you.
- Press the post button.
- Feel a little panic when you get a message like HTTP request too long in your browser window. Feel a little hope while pressing the Back button of your browser.
- See the same message appear.Wait for a second (this is the incubation time of anger), then feel the energy behind anger! Raaaaaaahhhhhh! (banging my head against the wall)
Wednesday, September 05, 2001
My mother is a cruel creature. What she did to me was horrible. I may sue her for what she did (a lot of lawyers would say I might have a case). She took my comforter ('tuut') and dropped me on my tummy 20 cm away of it. When I lifted my head I could see my comforter at the far horizon. All shiny and attractive, but unreachable. The summum of oral pleasure. Like a fata morgana appearing in front of a dying lost soul in the desert on a quest for water.
I started to produce extra saliva, as Pavlov's dog did when dinner was served, but it didn't help. I started to struggle with my arms and legs in a desperate attempt to get closer, but I didn't move an inch. A captured fish must feel the same when thrown on the soil. (This puts a new light on the evolution theory. Maybe fish changed to amfibies because their comforter fell out of the water - yeah: to us, things fall into the water, to them: they fall out of the water - oh no, wandering thoughts again... let's stick to the subject.)
I lost more saliva, I started to yell, I struggled more, tried telekinesis, nothing helped! Distance comforter<-->Feyo=20cm. Aaarch! Finally (after what felt like hours), mom gave it back to me and this surely was the best comforter I ever had in my entire life. Comforter Paradise!
Tuesday, September 04, 2001
The war against modern civilisation (part III)
- Attach the mutated bear to the structure. Mutated, because there's something growing out of his forehead. It could be a tumor.
- But a handy kind of tumor, because you can use it to connect. Hurt the bear's neck by twisting it: torturing of animals is promoted overhere.
- Do something (please tell me what exactly: dad skipped this one because of ignorance
- Mfff, the same here: dad just left some freedom to the little flap
- This is it: this frightening skeleton of terror is the result. You'll now notice how three cute animals were hung as a result of actions some obscure Chinese company wanted us to do.
Conclusion: never ever do things because some silly instruction plan tells you. The result might be extremely immoral and a dangour to society. Perhaps the nazis tortured innocent people because this was on a page with instructions, without them knowing what they were doing.
As for the toy itself: by the time daddy was finished, I got really hungry. I acted as I'm programmed to: ignore the toy and cry for food.
The war against modern civilisation (part II)
To understand how one should do this, also take a look at the clear instruction plan (when you click the link, a separate window with a drawing should open).
Continue your reading in episode III of Feyo's war against modern civilisation.
- Clean your nails with part 12. Use the other hand to immobilize the nail cleaner.
- If you are a pipe smoker, this surely is the time to do so.
- You have to put some pieces together here, but we couldn't find the little balloon in the box.
- This is where mom gave up: to assemble this one, you only need to hold seven(!) parts at the same time (including a screw driver, occupying 50% of your full hand capacity.Ol' Man had to take over here after mom ran away desperately. He actually succeeded in putting this together (by accident).
- This wasn't too hard, although you have to take a real close look to notice the screws in the drawing; you only notice them after part 11 falls off.
- If you assume you let fall the parts from a certain distance into their place, you're wrong. Also, observer what is front and what is back, or you'll have to start over with number 6.
- Start over with number 6. This is a pitty, because from now on, point 8 corresponds to drawing number 7 on the plan.
- Put together some parts again (as shown in drawing number 7). Drawing number 8 learns us how you recognize a dead animal. As this drawing doesn't add something to the previous one, we can tell about it in this point, so that point number 9 corresponts to drawing number 9 again (are you still with me?)
- Number 9 puts a lock on it.
- How to unlock the lock in the balloon.
- How to lock the lock in the ballon (it's getting really silly now).
The war against modern civilisation (part I)
I'm angry at modern civilisation. Today's economy introduced a very peculiar production method: when you buy something, you actually don't get a finished article. Oh no, you have to build it yourself. When I was younger, I was thought that assembling parts to a finished article is what factories do. They call it added value. It looks like added value means putting pieces into a plastic bag and design a paper with cryptic instructions how to assemble consumer goods yourself. That's called cost reduction. To reduce costs even more, they don't add text, because a picture tells more than a thousand words. And it's definitely cheaper than translating a thousand words into 10 languages.
Last week, mom bought me a toy. I started loosing saliva out of enthousiasm, but way too early, as I would notice later. Somebody still needed to put all parts together. And that somebody would not be me (the only thing I'm really good at with my hands is putting a fist into my mouth). The first two days, the new toy was just laying on the table. Mom asked dad continuously to assemble it; dad had better things to do... The third day, mom started to assemble it herself.
Disappointment. Chaos. Emotional instability. Suicide feelings. Those are just some of the feelings you might have had these days. I saw people walking around aimlessly in the streets with an expression of intense fear on their faces. I saw screaming pharmaciens, ordering more sleeping pills for their customers. People killing each other (what else could they do to take away the pain?).
Ok, sorry for not writing down the guidelines for a happy life for a couple of days, I can imagine what harm that causes to the world. Here's a little list of reasons why I couldn't (you can pick the one(s) you believe most; some of you might believe them all - hence the word naive):
Anyway, the storm is over, my fingers are Saucages Of Dynamite for the moment, so keep coming back the couple of days for some great new adventures. Unreal stories are waiting behind the scene...
- The Old Nerd was very busy doing all the things a nerd needs to do in order to survive the cruel reality: upgrading, scanning, installing, uninstalling, reinstalling,... so nothing that really produces things, but the computer is occupied anyway.
- Same Old Nerdy got on his bike, ride 100 km with it and came back. Of course, that cannot stop me from webdesigning, but the least he must do is startup the computer. I cannot reach the power button.
- My webhost's computer (the one that is actually connected to the internet) was out for a couple of days. I need to run my own business real soon now, to get independent of other people's technology. Maybe startup my own internet. Feyonet or something.